Tears are way to many, only the Lord knows, My Great Loss, My Dear Sweet Man has gone home to be with Jesus March 14th 1956--November 7th 2015

HE Sees!


“You have seen me tossing and turning through the night.
You have collected all my tears
and preserved them in Your bottle!
You have recorded everyone in Your book.”
Psalm 56:8 LB

 “ Thou tellest my wanderings:
Put thou my tears into thy bottle:
are they not in thy book?”
Psalms 56:8 KJV

HE’S seen and heard US:
Everywhere we’ve ever gone every step we’ve ever taken on our way and wanderings; times we felt trodden down by life, plagued by the enemy was not only observed but thought worthy of documentation in Heaven. The awful confusion (trial) is stifling after a long course of trouble, we hardly know where we have or have not been; but the omniscient and considerate Father of our spirits remembers all in detail. He has counted them over as men count their gold, for even the trial of our faith is precious in his sight.  Every ton of waste and dross we went through the fire to purge He recorded;
“But he knoweth the way that I take:
when he hath tried me,
 I shall come forth as gold.”
Job 23:10
Collecting tears:
The custom in old times was, when a person was ill or in great distress, for his friends to go to see him, and take with them a tear bottle. Then, as the tears rolled down the cheeks of the sufferer, they were caught in these bottles, sealed up, and preserved as a memorial of the event. This is what David referred to in Psalms 56:8.

According to some authorities, "lachrymatories" (or tear bottles) are still found in large numbers in ancient tombs. They were apparently used to collect the tears of the mourners at the graveside, and then stored away with the body.

You have collected all my tears and preserved them in Your bottle! You have recorded every single one of them in your book. Every grief, every sorrow, every anguish, every heartache, every time my heart was broken, all the long nights of tears, all my hopes deferred You saw and heard. This is such a sweet thought God remembers his people's affliction! All the tears that we shed "are" remembered by God – stored in a special place — not in a bottle but in His bottle. They are not just recorded as how many tears, but a record of all our anguish, grief and sorrow represented in them.

"My tears have been my meat day and night."
Psalms 42:3



Tears are a language understood in heaven. Oftentimes a poor broken-hearted person bends elbows to their knee, with no intelligible words uttered only groaning, deep sobs or wails in the language only heaven can understand; (Romans 8:26) however it has made all the harps of heaven thrill with music; that tear has been caught by God and treasured in the lachrymatory of heaven. 'Thou puttest my tears into thy bottle,' implies that they are caught as they flow and precious. The person beseeching in deepest humility, whose tears prevent their words, will be well understood by the Most High God. Tears are the jewels of heaven; sighs are a part of the music of Jehovah's court, and are numbered with the most sublime strains that reach the majesty on high. Know that your prayer, however weak or trembling, will be regarded. Our God not only hears prayer but also loves to hear it ‘He forgetteth not the cry of the humble.' Psalm 9:12b

True, God doesn’t regard proud looks and lofty words; He’s not impressed with pomp and the pageantry of kings; He’s not impressed with impressive military bands and marches; or arrogance spewing great swelling words; but wherever there is a heart full of sorrow, or a lip quivering with agony, or deep groans, or a repentant sigh, the heart of Jehovah is open; He marks it down in the registry of His memory; He puts our prayers, like rose petals, between the pages of His book of remembrance, and when the volume is opened at last, there shall be a precious fragrance springing up from His saints whose names are recorded there.

David’s Tears:
⦁ Psalm 6:6-7a; “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief.”
⦁ Psalm 39:12a; “Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry.”
⦁ Psalm 42:3; “My tears have been my meat night and day, while they continually say unto me, - Where is thy God?”
⦁ Psalm 69:10, 13 -14a; “When I wept and chastened my soul with fasting, that was my reproach 14a) But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O Lord in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of they mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation. Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink:”
⦁ Psalm 116 (all)
⦁ All of David's travel’s, triumphs, failings, sorrows, grief however huge or relatively insignificant, were noted and remembered by God. We are not insignificant to God.
⦁ Matthew 10:29 -31; “Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? (1/4th of a penny) And one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. 30) But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31) Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

Jesus’ Tears:
⦁ John 11:35;”Jesus Wept.”
⦁ Luke 19:41; “And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it.”
⦁ Hebrews 5:7 - ; “Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared; Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered.”
⦁ It was precious costly ointment Mary Magdalene anointed the feet of Jesus Christ with, but her tears, were worth much more.
 “. . . Began to wash His feet with her tears. . . ” Luke 7:36:38

YOU’VE recorded my whole life: Are they not in thy book?
God has His own standards and they are not at all like ours. People look on the out word appearance but God looks on the heart, inside of us and there is so much more! God’s seen our lives, the good, the sad and yes the bad. All our secret struggles, and efforts to please God from the heart He’s so pleased with. All the agonizing tears that went with it He’s chronicled.



God’s recorded every deed of faith and love we’ve ever had and it’s held in everlasting remembrance. Every deed of righteousness is immortalized. Every temptation we resisted, every evil we overcame, every tender word of pity expressed, every act of sacrifice, every sorrow and suffering endured for Christ’s sake is faithfully chronicled.

The hard times when we let go of what we knew we couldn’t/shouldn’t hold on to and the many things we had to tell our self ‘no’ on. Our family and even close friends never knew the struggle of our heart as He does.

HE sees the humility and weakness of our soul in sincere repentance, and times when it was over just a thought that was evil. The many times we fought the enemy for our mind and took thoughts captive by His Word, He knew!  He’s seen the times of our whole hearted devotion to his service. The many hours in prayer in hard battle and personal self battles and the battles that won the victories! All those things God and angels know and are in the Book of Remembrance. This relationship between us and God is very personal and distinct – He cares for us as if there was no one else to care for.

In the Book of Remembrances are all the good deeds of them that feared the Lord and that thought upon his name, their words of faith their acts of love are registered in heaven.

“Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another
 and the LORD hearkened and heard it,
and a book of remembrance was written before him
  for them that feared the LORD,
and that thought upon His name.
Malachi 3:16

Nehemiah referred to this when he said, “Remember me, O my God, concerning this, and wipe not out my good deeds that I have done for the house of my God and for the offices there of. Nehemiah 13:14.

David said it best:
"O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising;
thou understandest my thought afar off
Thou compasseth my path and my lying down
Thou art acquainted with all my ways.
 For there is not a word in my tongue,
 but lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether.
Thou hast beset me behind and before
and laid thine hand upon me"
Psalm. 139:1-5

The saints of old knew it was a custom for Kings to have a book of records such as in the Book of Ester 6:1 “ On that night could not the king, sleep, and he commanded to bring the book of records of the chronicles and they were read before the king.”  We recall the good name of Mordecai was found and all his good deeds recorded there.



Grieving is a natural process:
It is God’s way for us to process our heart and soul, to allow our true painful emotions to feel the full weight of our circumstances especially if it is loss. Honest grief is God’s plan for our healing through it. This document was written to validate us all and to hopefully bring comfort in the truth that we are and never have been alone - God is in control, and to bring testimony of Biblical validation to us all who even now may be wracked with grief to the point of tears. Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. (4a The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning . . .” Ecclesiastes 7:3-4a

The more we come into His presence with our petitions in prayer the more He is glorified. We show we are not ashamed to reach out publically and proclaim God is our only hope in this matter, please join us in prayer. If we lack faith, prayer for these burdens will increase our faith.  Have you spent more time with Almighty God in prayer because of looming burdens?

The real test of our faith is if after long appeals God chooses not to answer us as we desire.
Can we glorify God in our deepest disappointment, reversals, tragedy, loss, unexpected crisis and the heartaches that happen to us? It’s God’s will and desire we do. (Isaiah 45:5-10; when dark times come God makes no apologies
And gives few explanations—and He takes responsibility for what is taking place.

The old hymn "It Is Well with My Soul" was written after several traumatic events in the life of Horatio Spafford. The first was the death of his only son in 1871 at the age of four. Shortly followed by the great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer and had invested significantly in property in the area of Chicago which was decimated by the great fire). His business interests were further hit by the economic downturn of 1873 at which time he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the SS Ville du Havre. In a late change of plan, he sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire. While crossing the Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sea vessel, the Loch Earn, and all four of Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone . . .!” Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

(Refrain:) It is well (it is well),
with my soul (with my soul),
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
(Refrain)

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to His cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
(Refrain)

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pain shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
(Refrain)

And Lord haste the day, when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
(Refrain)
The Spaffords later had three more children, one of whom (a son) died in infancy. In 1881 the Spaffords, including baby Bertha and newborn Grace, set sail for Israel. The Spaffords moved to Jerusalem and helped found a group called the American Colony; its mission was to serve the poor. The colony later became the subject of the Nobel prize winning Jerusalem, by Swedish novelist Selma Lagerlöf.

I know myself hard matters of faith face us all as Christians.  Can we glorify God as He wishes us too in season and out of season, when things are good and when things are bad for us?  It is the heart throb of God we worship Him and lift Him up in all circumstances and through this act of faith no matter the crisis, loss, agonizing wait, be sure this act of faith draws others to Him and the faith of saints is encouraged.

Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of lives have been influenced and blessed by the testimony of Horatio Spafford’s life, and the words he penned in “It is Well with My Soul.”


 “You have seen me tossing and turning through the night.
You have collected all my tears
and preserved them in Your bottle!
You have recorded everyone in Your book.”
Psalm 56:8 LB




Be Blessed through Great Shalom
“Great Peace have those who love Your law;
And nothing causes them to stumble.”
Psalm 119:165

Doris Trainor

My Precious Mama is with Jesus!!!!!!!!!!

Mama Doris Ann-- Dec 1 1936-- Oct 27th 2015

My Heart is so weary and heavy so terribly sad that My Mama is no longer on this earth, She is present with the Lord, 11 Corinthians 5:8
My Only Comfort is knowing she is with Jesus in Paradise Luke 23:43....

She wrote this possibly a few years ago I'm not absolutely sure of the date but I come into agreement for I feel as if I am in the "House of Mourning" greatly right now.....

My Mr C has been down this whole last week with absolutely "no strength", In the Bed"only but to sleep,O Dear God have Mercy...
I pray that if any one has had to go through a long illness,watch death knock at your door,
I pray you find comfort in what the Lord has given through this precious Woman my Mama who is now with Jesus, "All Glory and Honor" is yours "Holy One" Most High" Father of our Lord Jesus Christ"
 Thank you Lord for My Mama,




GRIEVING in the “HOUSE OF MOURNING”
Ecclesiastes 1:18; 7:2-4

“For with much wisdom
Comes much sorrow:
The more knowledge,
The more grief.”
Ecclesiastes 1:18

“It is better to go to the house of mourning
than to go to the house of feasting . . .
3) Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart.
4) The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning
but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.”
Ecclesiastes 7:2


I HAVE SO MUCH PAIN AND LOSS ‘WHAT DO I DO with it ?’
God has made ways to get pain out of our heart and mind; one of the ways is learning to grieve in the ‘House of Mourning.’

The ‘House of Mourning’ isn’t a literal house but it’s a place in our soul where we can go to God and be sad, and freely bring all of our pain, grief, sorrow and hurt to Him.

Grieving is when we’re sorrowful, and extremely sad usually from loss.  God wants us to bring our most sorrowful feelings to Him, even if our loss has caused anger. Anger can get mixed up in pain and sorrow, and becomes a very heavy load in us to carry.  God gives us this opportunity to learn how to go to the ‘House of Mourning’ so we can get peace and comfort in our mind, and soul. It is the honest place we can freely say what our heart is bearing. He will not condemn us, He understands our loss.

This lesson is going to teach us how to do that.
THE BIBLE TEACHES US ABOUT SUFFERING.
King David said, “I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning (sad, grieving) all the day long . . . I groan because of the turmoil of my heart” Psalm 38:6, 8

“The spirit of a man (woman, boy or girl) will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?” Proverbs 18:14

We know hurtful memories get locked in our mind and soul that we can’t get rid of, but we don‘t know how to let them go.

Boundaries teach us these things are in our yard (soul).  That makes us responsible for them. ‘So what are we going to do about them?’

WE BEGIN BY ACKNOWLEDGING WE HAVE LOST  A PERSON THAT MATTERED VERY MUCH TO US.
We acknowledge:
WHAT LED UP TO THE LOSS?
Your hopes?
What was it like for you when you realized there was no hope?
What began happening to me?
How has it affected me?
Can you describe the loss?

We acknowledge:
What may never be possible again
When you think of that what comes to your mind?
What is gone I didn’t want to lose?
What can never be?(dreams/hopes I had etc.)
What is the sad reality for me?

Psalm 3:4-4 “But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow (honor and give) glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.”

NEVER FEAR  GOD  --- HE IS FOR YOU!
Whatever it is, whatever is in our soul, and haunts our mind God is waiting for us to come to the ‘House of Mourning’  to talk to Him. He is waiting for us to pour out our heart to HIM and tell HIM how it was for us; how it is for us now.   Do not choose your words bear your soul, your honest feelings!! If need be bear your heart to a “safe” person who you feel permission to bear all the good, bad and ugly heartache, a safe person will understand.

God wants us to grieve our pain, our sorrow, our irreplaceable loss, perhaps anger, and bear our soul to Him. You can tell God anything, He understands it all.

I Peter 2:21 “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”


SOMETHINGS  ARE  NOT  EVER  GOING  TO  BE  JUST  AS  WE IMAGINED  THEY  WOULD  BE;
The loss is perhaps nothing like you could have expected or thought it’d be, the pain is beyond bearing, and your heart is broken beyond words.  You feel as if it is impossible to bear this even what we "expected from God."

We need to live life by faith, as we are given it and do that very realistically.  Holding on to things we have no control over is like always having our fists clenched tight, so tight our hands ache but we won’t open them up.  Open your heart and allow GOD in to help you, it is like opening your hands wide and lifting them to Him.

Learning to open our hands wide up to God, not holding on to anything -and grieving the loss of whatever it is deep within our soul is healing, and gives us hope for our future.

I Timothy 2:8 “I want men (women, boys and girls) everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer  . . .”

    ~~~~~~~~Let’s take another look at this scripture.~~~~~~~~~~

Ecclesiastes 1:18 “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief."  

Can we begin to see what Solomon, David’s son is telling us? We come to a point in our lives where we realize what is gone, forever;
* The love of my life taken from me in death.
THE  WISDOM  OF  SCRIPTURE,  AND THE KNOWLEDGE  WE GAIN  FROM  THE  TRUTH  OF  IT  IS;
* Realization
* Reflecting back,
* Knowing what has transpired in our lives in more clarity, and without any reservations grieve it all to our Lord, sparing nothing.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

All our broken dreams or expectations must go with open hands and heart to be put in GODS protective care.

I WANT  TO LIVE  MY LIFE  WITH  WISDOM  AND KNOWLEDGE Ask God: teach me to grieve those hurtful things in my heart with Wisdom and Knowledge.  God tells us;

"It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting."  Ecclesiastes 7:2

What does that mean?
*   Not living in denial anymore and ignoring my pain, my regret!
*   Accepting what is!
*   Looking at life realistically.
* Taking care of my own YARD, my soul, and knowing this is a process and it will take time. The grieving process is for some baby steps, if that is you take them, take your time and grieve well God has given you permission.

Grieve it, and let it all go!

If God so chooses to enrich our lives with the desires of our hearts that are purely focused on HIM not us and our wants, then he says,
"Sorrow is better than laughter because a sad face ----------- is good for the heart!" Ecclesiastes 7:3

And he goes on to validate our sadness and say,
" The heart of the wise, is in the house of mourning." Ecclesiastes 7:4

“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18  (Psalm 53;22; 56:3

And to make things even more pointed James says ;

"Grieve, mourn and wail. -----(if necessary)--------Change your laughter to mourning and your JOY to gloom. 10) Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up!" James 4:9-10 (all in due time).

     HE WILL LIFT YOU UP!

There is no short cuts to this process allow yourself to feel the loss and allow yourself to say all to God that has been bottled up in you – do not fear He understands.

Perhaps often you’ll have to go to this truth over time and
* Grieve what is not
* What may never be  - could not ever be
* What is disappointing and grievous to me
* MY OWN expectations----------(what I wanted God did  not permit)----------grieve it all as if it was all dead, and gone, buried, grieve it and then open your hands and heart and let it all go-----!!!

God is saying,  “I am the lifter of your head,” -  give your expectations to ME,  (Psalm 3:3)

* your grief,
* your pain,
* your disappointments,
* your ‘will never be's’ and I'll give you the desires of your heart!! --- on
     MY TERMS.

        TRUST ME!

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

If part of the pain you suffer in your soul is in part something you feel guilty for or something you have done that you’re ashamed of, God does know, but he is waiting to hear from you to forgive you because he loves you and died for that sin. You can take that as well to the ‘House of Mourning,’ God is waiting.

Shalom
Doris Trainor

Pain increasing!!!!!!!!!

For a few weeks now Mr C has been having increased pain and nausea,little dizziness, cognitive a little iffy, his window of having a pain free day is maybe a few hours.....
Falling a sleep a lot faster, when sitting in a chair, or on our ride, making himself go, says his brain feels like its dying...... musshy-----Tonight he is in severe pain, to the point of puking-------nothing was making him comfortable---------he had to lye down -------He is sleeping, he is in the bed------------- this is the last place he will go but tonight he is there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the pain was too much to bear....
I can only thank the Lord that he put him to sleep----------------this is the only way to be free from the pain......My heart breaks, I have a very deep ache one that has no words............

Unexpected News!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Lord for the days you give us ,Thank you for always being with us, Thank you for giving us access in to your throne room,Thank you for being our God, Our Holy righteous God, Thank you for being our Loving, Compassionate, kind, generous, patient Father,Bless you Lord, Bless you.

I called the Dr to renew a prescription for Mr C,and with the Nurse on the phone I let her know that His Left foot,leg and hand had swelled up and were not going down,

She said to get him in to the Dr for fear of blood clots,we have been through this before, 

Mr C Had been enduring some great pain for the past few weeks,it takes until about 1-2 in the afternoon before we can get our day started...everything that hurts we have related to His Brain Cancer, and if there were any symptoms  the  Morphine and Steroids more than likely hid them!!!!!!!!

So went to the Dr and she ordered a ultra sound and a CT scan on His chest and abdomen,to make sure "no blood clots" were n the aorta......

A few days later we get a call from the Dr about 4:30 in the afternoon, they had been calling off and on the whole day and we were missing there calls,finally we were in the house when the Dr called this was on a Friday May 29th.

The Dr said the ultra sound came back negative,Praise the Lord,

She said the CT scan showed what the radiologist are calling "4 masses"  

2 on Mr C's left kidney, and 1 on His right kidney, 1 on His colon

she continued to say the ones on the kidneys the Radiologist called "renal cell carcinoma"

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo We were shocked-------to say the least-----

A Dear Brother of ours came over, Loved on us, brought His guitar,-We had good fellowship Worshiped the Lord in song,prayed over us,

Praise the Lord,for His New Mercies....

 Mr C will be seeing a Urologist,Monday June 8th and a Gastroenterology, We will see what can be done,and make decisions from there

Mini slider boar burger-sooooooooo good

So when a whirl wind comes through, and tosses everything upside down----------

Pray, worship, and know the Lord knew this day would be,Praise the Lord-------that we wont go this one alone either, and get out on the water and enjoy good food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

When things are out of our control Our Lord Jesus is always in Control

"For he is the "living God" and "he endures forever";" his kingdom will not be destroyed", 

"his dominion will never end"."He rescues and he saves"; '

he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth". Daniel 6:26

Suffering.............

Today we Praise the Lord for His continuous presence over us, We know that each day will bring new challenges and opportunity to Glorify the Lord through it all.
Mr C is constantly in pain from neuropathy and High Blood sugar,

(Peripheral neuropathy, is a result of damage to your peripheral nerves, this often causes weakness, numbness and pain, usually in your hands and feet. 

These are everyday symptoms that plaque Mr C pain,Sharp, jabbing or burning pain,Extreme sensitivity to touch,Muscle weakness, 

His blood sugar messes with emotions,Fatigue,Shortness of breath,Rapid heartbeat, restlessness,anxiety, Because of him having to use steroids.

He's just not feeling good............very tired... we never know what the day will bring.

It is such a helpless feeling as to know what to do, all we can do is go to the Lord in prayer,ultimately he knows. My Heart feel so heavy at times..........

Listen to my cry My King My God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,I pray to no one but you. There is no one like you, no one compares to you, no one is equal to  you, you alone are God, Thank you Jesus you have given us the access to come into your throne room, you alone we acknowledge,as our Lord and Savior, we give all the Glory to you and you alone. Help us O Lord when the days seem to hard,Help us Dear Father when in our weakness we fall, lift us up with your strong arm,help us to fully place all of our hope in you every moment of everyday looking only to you, when moments become testing,to our faith,help us to keep our eyes fixed on you. Thank you Lord for always being with us,always.How we love you and desire you to be more magnified in our lives than this disease, make it so Lord Jesus.

Testing of Your Faith

Testing of Your Faith

James 1:2-18

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, 10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass[c] he will pass away. 11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.[d] 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

For the God on the Mountain, Is Our God in the Valley

I don't know where to even begin---so much has gone on this past couple of months in Dad,that Only the Lord could Help us through it "all"and the prayers of those "who truly" have us layed upon their hearts"

Praise Jesus for who He is,what He has done,and continuing to do......These have been some "very very hard and very very trying days" ...............

So much tension,aggravation,agitation,frustration,anger,mood swings,out-bursts "uncontrollable fidgety", "nervousness","restlessness","anxiousness"edginess"sleepless nights.....

How do you deal with all of these each and everyday with out getting wore down??????? there is no rest.......they appear out of no where.........

I can only tell you that I know the Lord prepared me for this time, not knowing it would be this bad and hard!!!!!

I knew something was brewing in Dad before Easter,

Easter Sunday someone came up to me and said "Man Ron is filled with the "Holy Spirit" He's pumped,He's this He's that!!!!! "I said, He's got a-lot going on in Him and its escalating,He's very hyper,and very chatter'y,very busy,something is going on in Him, just beware........I don't believe I was heard.........

I realize, No one really knows what to say-- but the same thing---- Dad ---- LOOKS SO GOOD-----------

That Sunday was the spiral of many long,trying hard days, This Poor Man was crawling out of his own skin!!!!!!!!!!

The torture of not knowing why he was feeling the way he was----his brain,head feeling like the top was going to blow off----- his left side feeling like it was being sawed off-----emotions that were escalating,
I am learning through the "extraordinary" Grace and Mercy" of the Lord" and passed experiences---that reacting will escalate this behavior, 

Let me tell you---- it took Heavens army of Angels and Micheal the arch angel to Help me and hold me back from "challenging" Dad and reacting", and dropping a few bombs----what a Mighty Test this was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My old nature still has an "ugly ol lady" who can come out at any time!!!!!!!!!"------------------

Last June when Dad was first hospitalized,many things were revealed to me that I needed to give over to the Lord, the Lord began to heal these areas in Dad and I---------

The Lord has been doing a good work for the past 6 years as He surfaces things we release over to Jesus no matter How Painful the walk may be!!!!!!!!!!!
One is that we could no longer live in the "past behavior"   "IF" we truly have been transformed in Christ Jesus,
we must be willing to give over All of our self to the Lord.......
This process of allowing the Lord to sanctify, purify,refine has been on going for the past 6 years,
but escalated "June 2014" after Dads Hospitalization.......

This March I saw something "switch" in Mr C---- and it was not good-------April -----there were days so testing and trying it was hard to know how to pray,and days I just didn't want to pray-----------I was bombarded,weary, so was Dad being the one physically effected ------- not understanding what was going on in him-----------

It was a struggle praying  for the Lord to keep us on guard,alert,sober minded,watchful,
this I know My Jesus demonstrated through the empowering of His Holy Spirit in ---us---
other wise things could have gotten worse......all I could do is cry "HELP".HELP ME LORD"

With the Brain tumor/Cancer located in the posterior/inferior/frontal lobe-and Parietal/inferior lobe-----almost everything is effected-------------The Frontal Lobes are considered our emotional control center and home to our personality....There is no other part of the brain that can cause such a wide variety of symptoms.....It might be difficult to understand the abnormal behavior when your not around it day and night,
My Dear Mr C was getting so confused and thinking he was going crazy...........

It is interesting how we will get a reprieve and then we are "hit with another testing and trial".....

each day has been moment by moment----------------

Everyday is a cry to Holiness--------------I'm not kidding-----------------Obedience to the Lord------------
To Esteem Our Lord Jesus above all things,To "Value everything who Jesus is above (my-our) "rotten flesh"

O My----------Like I said there were days you just don't know how your going to get thru the day,your just beat down,can't concentrate when you open the word-----can't even pray but you do-----
This Battle was horrific.....I have "never battled" in anything more in my life as I have my walk with the Lord, Only desiring to please Him more than my flesh" and fall so short----and then to have a Husband with a terminal illness!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the craziest about all of this-----------IT'S NOT OVER-----------------

Wednesday April 22nd I was in the bed,from the time I woke up till the next day-----I had nothing to give--------

Monday April  20th I called the Dr to renew some med's for Dad, 

I let Him know something had "switched" in Dad something terribly was wrong",I explained what the symptoms were and His words:

"UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS THE DISEASE,WITH THE SIZE MASS IN HIS BRAIN THIS IS INEVITABLE"!

With Dad on "Dadgum Steroids",Morphine",Anti Seizure" meds he didn't need to be on another medication,
The Dr Said

I'm going to prescribe a drug that should help (olanzapine) I went out side and let Dad know what the Dr said, and that the Dr has some medication for him,"this did not set well with Dad"----------
I let him know I was not forcing him to take this,I don't know what else to do................something physical- is going on in you--------------you need help---------------------we need help.............

Ron researched the drug and said I am not taking it-------------to many side effects------------Ok Lord-----------------we need your help---------------------this behavior can not go on-------------------------------to emotional and mentally draining-------------Lord you have been healing this marriage,this is not where we are going again are we??????????????

Wednesday I was so sick---------I could not sit up--- eat-----------all I could do was sleep-----------until the next day...........Dad was on His own-------------------------to be honest I didn't ask him how he did----------------
I just knew,--- if I died that night that would have been just fine with me.......................

I was miserable, I hadn't been this sick for years..............thank the Lord for new days,, I'm not kidding........yesterday was a new day, it was slow, still not feeling up to snuff----------but able to just relax----------today a new day-----------able to sit and talk with Mr C and express so much, able to communicate some very inner feelings and He understood,
what the Lord showed Mr C the last few days was miraculous!!!!!!!!!!! He is doing much better today.....

I thank you who the Lord places Dad and I on your hearts for covering us,the Power of our Lord is so merciful,the "prayers of the "righteous" avail much".(I take this very seriously)

I would never trade what we have allowed the Lord to do in our Marriage bringing us through some very painful,exposing, transparent,humbling, healing, stuff---- that only the Lord can do if we are willing and allow Him full access to our whole being,every frame of it----------"40 years of History" the Lord is purging,sifting,stripping,shifting,changing,healing,purifying,refining,shaping,molding,softening, and anything else He needs to do to make us more like Him...........HARD----- 

This process will be the rest of our days together,  till we meet Jesus Face to face-------------

we are battling for something much more precious than our own lives....we battle for Christ's kingdom here on earth..... We struggle and pray and watch with great hope that Jesus Name be Sanctified,that Jesus Kingdom come, that Jesus will be done on earth as it is in heaven, We pray till we pray that every last Son,Daughter Grandchild,extended family come into relationship with Jesus Christ by the transforming work and power of the Holy Spirit, and when they do "we will know" because they "will not be the same"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESUS IS GOD------------JESUS IS HOLY------JESUS IS SAVIOR-------

JESUS IS THE "ONLY" ACCEPTABLE OBJECT OF FAITH-----JESUS IS LORD-------

JESUS IS THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES---IN HEAVEN ON EARTH AND UNDER THE EARTH------

JESUS HAS BEEN GIVEN ALL AUTHORITY IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH------JESUS IS THE JUDGE-----  

as long as Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ GIVES us breath on this earth------------

WE PRAY--WE SHARE HIS SAVING GOSPEL,----O God make it so,that you get all the glory,that you be high and lifted up,that you be magnified in every word thought and deed.................

O God and make it so-----Jesus be Glorified------------not this stinking  disease----------Habakkuk 2:14

O that We will give all our strength and all our years that remain--- that the earth might be filled with the knowledge of God as the waters cover the sea, that we would long for the day when we will see a great multitude that no man can count from every tribe,language,and nation standing before the throne of God crying out with a loud voice...

"SALVATION TO OUR GOD,WHO SITS ON THE THRONE,AND TO THE LAMB'

Mr C, It's not how we started but that we will finish well....

                    A man Preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ the greatest message ever told said:
                                   God has ultimately designed marriage not to satisfy our needs
                                                  But to display "His Glory" in the Gospel"

MRI Results

Today we Praise Our Lord Jesus Christ we thank Him for allowing us another day,not for our sake but for His.

Mr C has been having some great days,All Glory to the Lord

Today He woke up with Head pain and his left side giving him a great deal of pain,we can expect these kinds of days.

Dad Had His MRI and His Brain Tumor has grown 15% since last years MRI, Praise the Lord the cancer is contained in the tumor.

We continue to ask the Lord that "His Name" be made known through our Days here on this earth,that Jesus be continued High and lifted up,exalted to the highest.

We are in awe of Jesus generosity of grace and Mercy not willingly ever taking for granted His kindness towards us. 

Keep examining yourselves to see whether you are continuing in the faith. Test yourselves! You know, don't you, that Jesus the Messiah lives in you? Could it be that you are failing the test? 2 Corinthians 13:5

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. 1 John 5:13

Pain, Pain, and more Pain

Today we face another day of pain,it seems the pain is starting to increase each day not giving relief.
There are days Mr C just doesn't seem to get relief...,
We had to cut his therapy short today for He had head pain and nausea,we had to leave.
The Only comfort that comes to Dad is rest, if his body will let him, he's been oftly tired these days
Some times I feel so helpless,nothing comforts him,the pain is constant,
pain level is 6-7 if not higher...so much "anxiousness",and does not know why it is over coming him,
When Dad describes his pain to me, he says it's like the top of his head is going to blow off!!!! That someone is pulling his eye out of his socket!!!!! His left side feels like it is being cut off!!!!!
It's tough watching someone you love suffer,I know the Lord is keeping me strong,or I would be a bloody mess-----------
Any more it's moment by moment------------Dad goes to the word to help him, finding scripture to comfort him.......Please Lord Jesus lift Dad up,Give Him rest from his anxiousness, fill His mind with all the things that you have stored up in Him from your word, bring back to memory all your promises, that he may dwell under the shadow of your Al mightiness and find peace and rest in you alone.That your presence would over shadow all the anxiousness,and replace it with a new song in his heart,in Jesus Name

Praise the Lord He is always with us,always in our presence,He lifts our chins and lightens our load.

Our California Baby Girl,Jewel London soon to be 4 years old

Hard day today,even in that,we can smile and praise Jesus and give much thanks.
Thank you Jesus for our Sons and Daughters and precious grandchildren. I must share these precious babes..
Lord thank you for your continuous mercy and grace over our family.

Our California Famly---Papa Nate--Mama Sidjae---Jewel London

Our Hawaii Babies,Nyah,Sasha,Ella

Our Hawaii family,Papa Ronnie Mama V- Elijah Mosiah 16-Nyah Bless 7-Sasha Blaze 5-Ella Koa 3

Our Hawaii Baby Ella Koa Divine soon to be 3 years old

Our Hawaii Baby Sasha Blaze soon to be 5 years old

Sasha,Nyah,, Dad just cut their hair and left a little topping

Mr C is 59 years old March 14th 2015 Praise you Jesus......

Yesterday was Mr C's 59th Birthday,what a mile stone this is.......................
we celebrate this day Praising our Lord Jesus Christ for giving Dad this day.
We are privileged to have very sweet friends in our lives,
these Two precious ones blessed us yesterday,preparing Dad a "Birthday lunch",

John "apple seed" Sandifer, Lisa "Loretta Lynn" Sandifer  Mr C,"Captain,Cubby" Cuellar

We are so thankful for the time we were able to have to celebrate Mr C's Birthday,and so Blessed by the kindness and hospitality of these "sweet friends".

May the Lord Bless These two continue to grow them in Christ Jesus,Protect their marriage and draw them greater in to the Holiness of our Lord Jesus Christ.Conforming them in the image of Jesus Christ.

 Mr C was quite "happy,grateful and anxious" at the same time! All tho He seems to be doing good, Looking Good on the outside,there is much going on in the inside of his body, His inner cranial pressure seems to be bringing on some great pain these days,He is becoming more un-comfortable.
He can have a few good nights sleep and then----- only a few hours of sleep.
In those wee hours of the morning when all is quite there is much time spent with the Lord, and this is when battles are won!!!!!
when I wake we talk,-----Mr C will be sitting on the couch, just re-visiting where He has been in the night with the Lord-----I see the work of the Lord in Dad, giving His desire to complete what He has started in Dad,
The Lord is not allowing Dad to have any rest in any area of his life that is not in the "conformity to Christ Jesus",(THIS IS GOOD)(VERY GOOD).
There are areas in our Life that the Lord quickly takes away,when we come into relationship with Christ Jesus------"obvious things,like drinking,smoking,cussing," etc....                                              

The more the "world prevails in" us the more the "Love of God Decays" its an examination we are to do in our Spiritual walk with the Lord---------Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the Faith, test yourself,do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you unless of course you fail the test???????     2 Corinthians 13:5
IF Christ and the finished work He did on the cross is not evident in our life,then we need to examine and test our-self by His word alone!!!!
IF we are "not convicted" by the way we "think,talk,behave,what we watch,participate in,indulge in, there's a good chance the Spirit of God is not in us!!!! John warns us of this,The lust of the eyes,the lust of the flesh, the pride of life.....
The More we desire to be like Jesus the Holy Spirit of God "will not" let us rest in our sin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lord disciplines His own,He chastens them,His kindness leads us to repentance,we can no longer say: what's the big deal that's nothing!!! in the eye of a Holy Righteous Loving God it is everything...........
Like I said there are things that are quickened out of lives quickly,there are things that we struggle with more,why O Father is this still hanging around! or more than this,O God---- thank you that what I wasn't really conscious of you have now made very conscious """can no longer be"""!!!!!!!

I asked Dad if I could share what the Lord is doing in Him the more personal intimate things, He said absolutely,

Well this is one of the areas the Lord is continuously convicting Dad over and over and over again,and Dad is becoming so broken----
He's talking in conversation and something pops out of his mouth that is "not truth" or "exaggerated".................let's call it what it is... lying------
the Lord is dealing with this in Him and Dad is so grieved,  At the moment he's talking he may not be aware,but then later heavily convicted-------------
He's confessing,just broken that what didn't have great importance, Now does and the Lord is not allowing Him to get away with it!!!!!!!!!!! The Lord is Victorious and we are Praying for Victory over this area of Dad's life! "EXAGGERATION IS LYING"!!!!!
we know the Lord will honor this request.
I see the Lord doing such a good work in my Husband,so much inner soul-heart cleansing, Praise you Jesus---------
You see we have two Natures-----------The Old man the one conformed to this secular world---------the "New Man in Christ Jesus" and these two "fight for position"-------------all our life until we come into relationship with Christ Jesus,we have conditioned the old man so much that now we re-disciple the "new man" to be more like Christ Jesus, we want to "conform to Christ Jesus".
This is pleasing to our Lord, this is why we were created---- for HIS GLORY
Rom 12:2 Be ye not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your minds in Christ Jesus.......this is a daily application,a daily renewing in the word,God gives us a new desire...

I find this so attractive in Mr C, it sets an example,in this home that leads us to Christ Jesus,
It will always offend the Lord most!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And SIN is SIN------------So as we fight with the Battle of the pains of His affliction------- the pains of anything that is contrary to Christ Jesus we pray for Victory daily,that we be made more like Christ,reflecting more of Him in our conversation thought and deeds...... I So Love this Man,thank you Jesus for such a transparent, Humble, Husband........
We go for an MRI on Tuesday March 17th Mr C seems to be at a threshold on His Morphine------30 to 45mg seems to be where we need to stay for now,as His inner cranial pain continues to want to break thru..................
Psalms 141 Set a Guard over my Mouth O Lord, Keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not let my heart be drawn to do what is evil.

If Mr C is brought to thought please pray the Lord would give Him Victory over this area of His Life, and that as we "all" battle" with the things" we know are not of Christ, we quickly run to the Lord in Prayer,confessing,repenting,desiring to not stay in a place the Grieves and offends our Lord Most.
continually help Lord me to hate sin (anything contrary to a Holy God)in my life, that in "all areas"  we desire to be more like Jesus.

The Lord has called us to Holiness, Holiness is what separates us from ALL the things that displeases our Lord....What are in your "thoughts daily"?????? the Lord Knows our thoughts-----------what you think, what "controls your thoughts",is your Idol"----------Beware Christian-------------
You Measure yourself "not" by yourself-------------------you measure yourself "not" by another-----------------------------------"YOU MEASURE YOURSELF BY THE WORD OF GOD"!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr C is in great pain today, He can not seem to get comfortable,Nausea, Head pain, Eye Pain,
the Lord comforts,and He helps us in our time of need.Bless the Lord for His great Mercy.

Oncology Appt:

Today we went to see the Dr,
We went before the Lord asking some specific requests,
hesitant because of our last visit with the Dr.
It turns out that when we got there the Dr had missed his flight to the Island.

Not a problem because we were able to talk with him over the computer,( like skype.)

As we waited in the waiting room we were able to talk to the receptionist Tina,
she set us up to speak with the Dr,
The Nurse came out and got us her name is also Tina,
Ok this is what is so beautiful about this day the Lord has given us,
He planned this day,
He allowed Dr Andrew to miss his flight, only the Lord knows these things,
so after all Dads vitals were taken, on goes the screen and Dr is on tv----------
He says his hellos, we say ours,
Tina the nurse stays in the room which is a first!!!!!! taking notes,
Dr:
How are you doing?
Dad:
Really Good.Feeling good, left side is coming back,able to do more than I had been,
Dr:
What can I do for you today?
Dad:
Well as you know we are reducing my morphine intake from 240mg- now to 60mg and would like to know how to continue this to completely come off!
Dr;
You'll be the better judge of this beings your body will feel the pain! so come off slowly, and if the pain comes back, take your pills, you may be uncomfortable for a few hours.you'll know.....
Dad:
Ok we just wanted to get your professional opinion before we go completely off.
Dr:
Anything else?
Dad: yes I would like to get an MRI to see if this tumor is shrinking because I feel that I am being healed. I have my bowels back,my left side is coming back, I'm more cognitive, active,and feeling good each day
Dr:
Why do you think this is?
Dad:
Its the hand of the Lord upon me,and the power of God,and the prayers over me,it's miraculous!
Dad said what do you think it is?
Dr:
Said, miraculous!!!!!! Power of Prayer!!!!!
You can have as many MRI's as you need,anything you need you do not to fear to ask me.
We said our goodbyes,and the Nurse was stunned!!!!!
She said she has never seen Dr Andrew Kominsky this way with any patient, Tina is a Believer in Christ Jesus,and shared with us Andrew is a "Jew"
We right then went into Prayer and praised our Lord God---------- all three us us-------------Lord Save this Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad and I left there praising the Lord elated O God you have your appointed times and we Pray Andrew Kominsky's  heart be softened and your Holy Spirit take that heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh, O Father God only by your hand and your spirit can Andrew come into relationship with you.We prayed the Lord Protect him on his flight over here to the island.

The last time we saw Andrew Dad was in a Wheel chair weak,not walking,not coherent, not looking good.and we had asked for an MRI and Dr was not approving, too much money,not interested in monitoring it! He knew Dad's prognosis and said why???????

This Morning:
We asked the Lord specifically that we be able to get an MRI with out resistance-------------there was none,as a matter of fact get as many as you like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And coming completely off the morphine because of the side effects, Dr Said Dad was past this as he is on such a low dosage.
All Glory to our Lord---------------------------
We are so Blessed to be Children of King Jesus, He has NEVER<NEVER failed us NEVER.......

We Continue to devote ourselves in prayer,being watchful, thanking our Lord for ALL things,
Praying the Lord would open a door for the message of His precious Son Christ Jesus would be shared,
Walking in His wisdom and grace toward those that are without His Spirit, O How I Continue to ask our Lord to never stop Changing us from the inside out,making us more like Himself,that in ALL we say and do "Jesus" is who people see"and are attracted too-----------------Not Ron and Sandie---------------

Such A Lovely Time away, Thank you Jesus for always being with us.All Glory Is Yours....On our Way Home from Leavenworth

On our way out of Leavenworth

Enzian Inn Such a Lovely wonderful place to stay.

My Mr C Loves Hats, "Tivoli"

Such a lovely little town, really enjoyed our stay.

"Sleeping Lady mountain resort"

Leavenworth so beautiful at night.

King Ludwig's Large Bavarian -style German Restaurant
this sweet little man played the whole time we were eating, so sweet.

"Seattle Boat show"

Mr C Enjoying himself

Ate Ethiopian food great food...

We were so blessed to be able to enjoy some time off Island, what a wonderful time we have had, Thank you Lord for blessing our time. Mr C did remarkably well,I believe anything Mr C is able to do is better than not..... Yes things are considerably different, and Mr C tires very quickly,He just pushes through and we enjoy what ever time we can and then we rest. So thankful and grateful for each and everyday.For all things are possible with our Lord Jesus Christ.