Unexpected News!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Lord for the days you give us ,Thank you for always being with us, Thank you for giving us access in to your throne room,Thank you for being our God, Our Holy righteous God, Thank you for being our Loving, Compassionate, kind, generous, patient Father,Bless you Lord, Bless you.

I called the Dr to renew a prescription for Mr C,and with the Nurse on the phone I let her know that His Left foot,leg and hand had swelled up and were not going down,

She said to get him in to the Dr for fear of blood clots,we have been through this before, 

Mr C Had been enduring some great pain for the past few weeks,it takes until about 1-2 in the afternoon before we can get our day started...everything that hurts we have related to His Brain Cancer, and if there were any symptoms  the  Morphine and Steroids more than likely hid them!!!!!!!!

So went to the Dr and she ordered a ultra sound and a CT scan on His chest and abdomen,to make sure "no blood clots" were n the aorta......

A few days later we get a call from the Dr about 4:30 in the afternoon, they had been calling off and on the whole day and we were missing there calls,finally we were in the house when the Dr called this was on a Friday May 29th.

The Dr said the ultra sound came back negative,Praise the Lord,

She said the CT scan showed what the radiologist are calling "4 masses"  

2 on Mr C's left kidney, and 1 on His right kidney, 1 on His colon

she continued to say the ones on the kidneys the Radiologist called "renal cell carcinoma"

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo We were shocked-------to say the least-----

A Dear Brother of ours came over, Loved on us, brought His guitar,-We had good fellowship Worshiped the Lord in song,prayed over us,

Praise the Lord,for His New Mercies....

 Mr C will be seeing a Urologist,Monday June 8th and a Gastroenterology, We will see what can be done,and make decisions from there

Mini slider boar burger-sooooooooo good

So when a whirl wind comes through, and tosses everything upside down----------

Pray, worship, and know the Lord knew this day would be,Praise the Lord-------that we wont go this one alone either, and get out on the water and enjoy good food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

When things are out of our control Our Lord Jesus is always in Control

"For he is the "living God" and "he endures forever";" his kingdom will not be destroyed", 

"his dominion will never end"."He rescues and he saves"; '

he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth". Daniel 6:26

Suffering.............

Today we Praise the Lord for His continuous presence over us, We know that each day will bring new challenges and opportunity to Glorify the Lord through it all.
Mr C is constantly in pain from neuropathy and High Blood sugar,

(Peripheral neuropathy, is a result of damage to your peripheral nerves, this often causes weakness, numbness and pain, usually in your hands and feet. 

These are everyday symptoms that plaque Mr C pain,Sharp, jabbing or burning pain,Extreme sensitivity to touch,Muscle weakness, 

His blood sugar messes with emotions,Fatigue,Shortness of breath,Rapid heartbeat, restlessness,anxiety, Because of him having to use steroids.

He's just not feeling good............very tired... we never know what the day will bring.

It is such a helpless feeling as to know what to do, all we can do is go to the Lord in prayer,ultimately he knows. My Heart feel so heavy at times..........

Listen to my cry My King My God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,I pray to no one but you. There is no one like you, no one compares to you, no one is equal to  you, you alone are God, Thank you Jesus you have given us the access to come into your throne room, you alone we acknowledge,as our Lord and Savior, we give all the Glory to you and you alone. Help us O Lord when the days seem to hard,Help us Dear Father when in our weakness we fall, lift us up with your strong arm,help us to fully place all of our hope in you every moment of everyday looking only to you, when moments become testing,to our faith,help us to keep our eyes fixed on you. Thank you Lord for always being with us,always.How we love you and desire you to be more magnified in our lives than this disease, make it so Lord Jesus.

Testing of Your Faith

Testing of Your Faith

James 1:2-18

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, 10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass[c] he will pass away. 11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.[d] 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

For the God on the Mountain, Is Our God in the Valley

I don't know where to even begin---so much has gone on this past couple of months in Dad,that Only the Lord could Help us through it "all"and the prayers of those "who truly" have us layed upon their hearts"

Praise Jesus for who He is,what He has done,and continuing to do......These have been some "very very hard and very very trying days" ...............

So much tension,aggravation,agitation,frustration,anger,mood swings,out-bursts "uncontrollable fidgety", "nervousness","restlessness","anxiousness"edginess"sleepless nights.....

How do you deal with all of these each and everyday with out getting wore down??????? there is no rest.......they appear out of no where.........

I can only tell you that I know the Lord prepared me for this time, not knowing it would be this bad and hard!!!!!

I knew something was brewing in Dad before Easter,

Easter Sunday someone came up to me and said "Man Ron is filled with the "Holy Spirit" He's pumped,He's this He's that!!!!! "I said, He's got a-lot going on in Him and its escalating,He's very hyper,and very chatter'y,very busy,something is going on in Him, just beware........I don't believe I was heard.........

I realize, No one really knows what to say-- but the same thing---- Dad ---- LOOKS SO GOOD-----------

That Sunday was the spiral of many long,trying hard days, This Poor Man was crawling out of his own skin!!!!!!!!!!

The torture of not knowing why he was feeling the way he was----his brain,head feeling like the top was going to blow off----- his left side feeling like it was being sawed off-----emotions that were escalating,
I am learning through the "extraordinary" Grace and Mercy" of the Lord" and passed experiences---that reacting will escalate this behavior, 

Let me tell you---- it took Heavens army of Angels and Micheal the arch angel to Help me and hold me back from "challenging" Dad and reacting", and dropping a few bombs----what a Mighty Test this was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My old nature still has an "ugly ol lady" who can come out at any time!!!!!!!!!"------------------

Last June when Dad was first hospitalized,many things were revealed to me that I needed to give over to the Lord, the Lord began to heal these areas in Dad and I---------

The Lord has been doing a good work for the past 6 years as He surfaces things we release over to Jesus no matter How Painful the walk may be!!!!!!!!!!!
One is that we could no longer live in the "past behavior"   "IF" we truly have been transformed in Christ Jesus,
we must be willing to give over All of our self to the Lord.......
This process of allowing the Lord to sanctify, purify,refine has been on going for the past 6 years,
but escalated "June 2014" after Dads Hospitalization.......

This March I saw something "switch" in Mr C---- and it was not good-------April -----there were days so testing and trying it was hard to know how to pray,and days I just didn't want to pray-----------I was bombarded,weary, so was Dad being the one physically effected ------- not understanding what was going on in him-----------

It was a struggle praying  for the Lord to keep us on guard,alert,sober minded,watchful,
this I know My Jesus demonstrated through the empowering of His Holy Spirit in ---us---
other wise things could have gotten worse......all I could do is cry "HELP".HELP ME LORD"

With the Brain tumor/Cancer located in the posterior/inferior/frontal lobe-and Parietal/inferior lobe-----almost everything is effected-------------The Frontal Lobes are considered our emotional control center and home to our personality....There is no other part of the brain that can cause such a wide variety of symptoms.....It might be difficult to understand the abnormal behavior when your not around it day and night,
My Dear Mr C was getting so confused and thinking he was going crazy...........

It is interesting how we will get a reprieve and then we are "hit with another testing and trial".....

each day has been moment by moment----------------

Everyday is a cry to Holiness--------------I'm not kidding-----------------Obedience to the Lord------------
To Esteem Our Lord Jesus above all things,To "Value everything who Jesus is above (my-our) "rotten flesh"

O My----------Like I said there were days you just don't know how your going to get thru the day,your just beat down,can't concentrate when you open the word-----can't even pray but you do-----
This Battle was horrific.....I have "never battled" in anything more in my life as I have my walk with the Lord, Only desiring to please Him more than my flesh" and fall so short----and then to have a Husband with a terminal illness!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the craziest about all of this-----------IT'S NOT OVER-----------------

Wednesday April 22nd I was in the bed,from the time I woke up till the next day-----I had nothing to give--------

Monday April  20th I called the Dr to renew some med's for Dad, 

I let Him know something had "switched" in Dad something terribly was wrong",I explained what the symptoms were and His words:

"UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS THE DISEASE,WITH THE SIZE MASS IN HIS BRAIN THIS IS INEVITABLE"!

With Dad on "Dadgum Steroids",Morphine",Anti Seizure" meds he didn't need to be on another medication,
The Dr Said

I'm going to prescribe a drug that should help (olanzapine) I went out side and let Dad know what the Dr said, and that the Dr has some medication for him,"this did not set well with Dad"----------
I let him know I was not forcing him to take this,I don't know what else to do................something physical- is going on in you--------------you need help---------------------we need help.............

Ron researched the drug and said I am not taking it-------------to many side effects------------Ok Lord-----------------we need your help---------------------this behavior can not go on-------------------------------to emotional and mentally draining-------------Lord you have been healing this marriage,this is not where we are going again are we??????????????

Wednesday I was so sick---------I could not sit up--- eat-----------all I could do was sleep-----------until the next day...........Dad was on His own-------------------------to be honest I didn't ask him how he did----------------
I just knew,--- if I died that night that would have been just fine with me.......................

I was miserable, I hadn't been this sick for years..............thank the Lord for new days,, I'm not kidding........yesterday was a new day, it was slow, still not feeling up to snuff----------but able to just relax----------today a new day-----------able to sit and talk with Mr C and express so much, able to communicate some very inner feelings and He understood,
what the Lord showed Mr C the last few days was miraculous!!!!!!!!!!! He is doing much better today.....

I thank you who the Lord places Dad and I on your hearts for covering us,the Power of our Lord is so merciful,the "prayers of the "righteous" avail much".(I take this very seriously)

I would never trade what we have allowed the Lord to do in our Marriage bringing us through some very painful,exposing, transparent,humbling, healing, stuff---- that only the Lord can do if we are willing and allow Him full access to our whole being,every frame of it----------"40 years of History" the Lord is purging,sifting,stripping,shifting,changing,healing,purifying,refining,shaping,molding,softening, and anything else He needs to do to make us more like Him...........HARD----- 

This process will be the rest of our days together,  till we meet Jesus Face to face-------------

we are battling for something much more precious than our own lives....we battle for Christ's kingdom here on earth..... We struggle and pray and watch with great hope that Jesus Name be Sanctified,that Jesus Kingdom come, that Jesus will be done on earth as it is in heaven, We pray till we pray that every last Son,Daughter Grandchild,extended family come into relationship with Jesus Christ by the transforming work and power of the Holy Spirit, and when they do "we will know" because they "will not be the same"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESUS IS GOD------------JESUS IS HOLY------JESUS IS SAVIOR-------

JESUS IS THE "ONLY" ACCEPTABLE OBJECT OF FAITH-----JESUS IS LORD-------

JESUS IS THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES---IN HEAVEN ON EARTH AND UNDER THE EARTH------

JESUS HAS BEEN GIVEN ALL AUTHORITY IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH------JESUS IS THE JUDGE-----  

as long as Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ GIVES us breath on this earth------------

WE PRAY--WE SHARE HIS SAVING GOSPEL,----O God make it so,that you get all the glory,that you be high and lifted up,that you be magnified in every word thought and deed.................

O God and make it so-----Jesus be Glorified------------not this stinking  disease----------Habakkuk 2:14

O that We will give all our strength and all our years that remain--- that the earth might be filled with the knowledge of God as the waters cover the sea, that we would long for the day when we will see a great multitude that no man can count from every tribe,language,and nation standing before the throne of God crying out with a loud voice...

"SALVATION TO OUR GOD,WHO SITS ON THE THRONE,AND TO THE LAMB'

Mr C, It's not how we started but that we will finish well....

                    A man Preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ the greatest message ever told said:
                                   God has ultimately designed marriage not to satisfy our needs
                                                  But to display "His Glory" in the Gospel"

MRI Results

Today we Praise Our Lord Jesus Christ we thank Him for allowing us another day,not for our sake but for His.

Mr C has been having some great days,All Glory to the Lord

Today He woke up with Head pain and his left side giving him a great deal of pain,we can expect these kinds of days.

Dad Had His MRI and His Brain Tumor has grown 15% since last years MRI, Praise the Lord the cancer is contained in the tumor.

We continue to ask the Lord that "His Name" be made known through our Days here on this earth,that Jesus be continued High and lifted up,exalted to the highest.

We are in awe of Jesus generosity of grace and Mercy not willingly ever taking for granted His kindness towards us. 

Keep examining yourselves to see whether you are continuing in the faith. Test yourselves! You know, don't you, that Jesus the Messiah lives in you? Could it be that you are failing the test? 2 Corinthians 13:5

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. 1 John 5:13

Pain, Pain, and more Pain

Today we face another day of pain,it seems the pain is starting to increase each day not giving relief.
There are days Mr C just doesn't seem to get relief...,
We had to cut his therapy short today for He had head pain and nausea,we had to leave.
The Only comfort that comes to Dad is rest, if his body will let him, he's been oftly tired these days
Some times I feel so helpless,nothing comforts him,the pain is constant,
pain level is 6-7 if not higher...so much "anxiousness",and does not know why it is over coming him,
When Dad describes his pain to me, he says it's like the top of his head is going to blow off!!!! That someone is pulling his eye out of his socket!!!!! His left side feels like it is being cut off!!!!!
It's tough watching someone you love suffer,I know the Lord is keeping me strong,or I would be a bloody mess-----------
Any more it's moment by moment------------Dad goes to the word to help him, finding scripture to comfort him.......Please Lord Jesus lift Dad up,Give Him rest from his anxiousness, fill His mind with all the things that you have stored up in Him from your word, bring back to memory all your promises, that he may dwell under the shadow of your Al mightiness and find peace and rest in you alone.That your presence would over shadow all the anxiousness,and replace it with a new song in his heart,in Jesus Name

Praise the Lord He is always with us,always in our presence,He lifts our chins and lightens our load.

Our California Baby Girl,Jewel London soon to be 4 years old

Hard day today,even in that,we can smile and praise Jesus and give much thanks.
Thank you Jesus for our Sons and Daughters and precious grandchildren. I must share these precious babes..
Lord thank you for your continuous mercy and grace over our family.

Our California Famly---Papa Nate--Mama Sidjae---Jewel London

Our Hawaii Babies,Nyah,Sasha,Ella

Our Hawaii family,Papa Ronnie Mama V- Elijah Mosiah 16-Nyah Bless 7-Sasha Blaze 5-Ella Koa 3

Our Hawaii Baby Ella Koa Divine soon to be 3 years old

Our Hawaii Baby Sasha Blaze soon to be 5 years old

Sasha,Nyah,, Dad just cut their hair and left a little topping

Mr C is 59 years old March 14th 2015 Praise you Jesus......

Yesterday was Mr C's 59th Birthday,what a mile stone this is.......................
we celebrate this day Praising our Lord Jesus Christ for giving Dad this day.
We are privileged to have very sweet friends in our lives,
these Two precious ones blessed us yesterday,preparing Dad a "Birthday lunch",

John "apple seed" Sandifer, Lisa "Loretta Lynn" Sandifer  Mr C,"Captain,Cubby" Cuellar

We are so thankful for the time we were able to have to celebrate Mr C's Birthday,and so Blessed by the kindness and hospitality of these "sweet friends".

May the Lord Bless These two continue to grow them in Christ Jesus,Protect their marriage and draw them greater in to the Holiness of our Lord Jesus Christ.Conforming them in the image of Jesus Christ.

 Mr C was quite "happy,grateful and anxious" at the same time! All tho He seems to be doing good, Looking Good on the outside,there is much going on in the inside of his body, His inner cranial pressure seems to be bringing on some great pain these days,He is becoming more un-comfortable.
He can have a few good nights sleep and then----- only a few hours of sleep.
In those wee hours of the morning when all is quite there is much time spent with the Lord, and this is when battles are won!!!!!
when I wake we talk,-----Mr C will be sitting on the couch, just re-visiting where He has been in the night with the Lord-----I see the work of the Lord in Dad, giving His desire to complete what He has started in Dad,
The Lord is not allowing Dad to have any rest in any area of his life that is not in the "conformity to Christ Jesus",(THIS IS GOOD)(VERY GOOD).
There are areas in our Life that the Lord quickly takes away,when we come into relationship with Christ Jesus------"obvious things,like drinking,smoking,cussing," etc....                                              

The more the "world prevails in" us the more the "Love of God Decays" its an examination we are to do in our Spiritual walk with the Lord---------Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the Faith, test yourself,do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you unless of course you fail the test???????     2 Corinthians 13:5
IF Christ and the finished work He did on the cross is not evident in our life,then we need to examine and test our-self by His word alone!!!!
IF we are "not convicted" by the way we "think,talk,behave,what we watch,participate in,indulge in, there's a good chance the Spirit of God is not in us!!!! John warns us of this,The lust of the eyes,the lust of the flesh, the pride of life.....
The More we desire to be like Jesus the Holy Spirit of God "will not" let us rest in our sin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Lord disciplines His own,He chastens them,His kindness leads us to repentance,we can no longer say: what's the big deal that's nothing!!! in the eye of a Holy Righteous Loving God it is everything...........
Like I said there are things that are quickened out of lives quickly,there are things that we struggle with more,why O Father is this still hanging around! or more than this,O God---- thank you that what I wasn't really conscious of you have now made very conscious """can no longer be"""!!!!!!!

I asked Dad if I could share what the Lord is doing in Him the more personal intimate things, He said absolutely,

Well this is one of the areas the Lord is continuously convicting Dad over and over and over again,and Dad is becoming so broken----
He's talking in conversation and something pops out of his mouth that is "not truth" or "exaggerated".................let's call it what it is... lying------
the Lord is dealing with this in Him and Dad is so grieved,  At the moment he's talking he may not be aware,but then later heavily convicted-------------
He's confessing,just broken that what didn't have great importance, Now does and the Lord is not allowing Him to get away with it!!!!!!!!!!! The Lord is Victorious and we are Praying for Victory over this area of Dad's life! "EXAGGERATION IS LYING"!!!!!
we know the Lord will honor this request.
I see the Lord doing such a good work in my Husband,so much inner soul-heart cleansing, Praise you Jesus---------
You see we have two Natures-----------The Old man the one conformed to this secular world---------the "New Man in Christ Jesus" and these two "fight for position"-------------all our life until we come into relationship with Christ Jesus,we have conditioned the old man so much that now we re-disciple the "new man" to be more like Christ Jesus, we want to "conform to Christ Jesus".
This is pleasing to our Lord, this is why we were created---- for HIS GLORY
Rom 12:2 Be ye not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your minds in Christ Jesus.......this is a daily application,a daily renewing in the word,God gives us a new desire...

I find this so attractive in Mr C, it sets an example,in this home that leads us to Christ Jesus,
It will always offend the Lord most!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And SIN is SIN------------So as we fight with the Battle of the pains of His affliction------- the pains of anything that is contrary to Christ Jesus we pray for Victory daily,that we be made more like Christ,reflecting more of Him in our conversation thought and deeds...... I So Love this Man,thank you Jesus for such a transparent, Humble, Husband........
We go for an MRI on Tuesday March 17th Mr C seems to be at a threshold on His Morphine------30 to 45mg seems to be where we need to stay for now,as His inner cranial pain continues to want to break thru..................
Psalms 141 Set a Guard over my Mouth O Lord, Keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not let my heart be drawn to do what is evil.

If Mr C is brought to thought please pray the Lord would give Him Victory over this area of His Life, and that as we "all" battle" with the things" we know are not of Christ, we quickly run to the Lord in Prayer,confessing,repenting,desiring to not stay in a place the Grieves and offends our Lord Most.
continually help Lord me to hate sin (anything contrary to a Holy God)in my life, that in "all areas"  we desire to be more like Jesus.

The Lord has called us to Holiness, Holiness is what separates us from ALL the things that displeases our Lord....What are in your "thoughts daily"?????? the Lord Knows our thoughts-----------what you think, what "controls your thoughts",is your Idol"----------Beware Christian-------------
You Measure yourself "not" by yourself-------------------you measure yourself "not" by another-----------------------------------"YOU MEASURE YOURSELF BY THE WORD OF GOD"!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr C is in great pain today, He can not seem to get comfortable,Nausea, Head pain, Eye Pain,
the Lord comforts,and He helps us in our time of need.Bless the Lord for His great Mercy.