Testing of Your Faith

Testing of Your Faith

James 1:2-18

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, 10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass[c] he will pass away. 11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.[d] 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

For the God on the Mountain, Is Our God in the Valley

I don't know where to even begin---so much has gone on this past couple of months in Dad,that Only the Lord could Help us through it "all"and the prayers of those "who truly" have us layed upon their hearts"

Praise Jesus for who He is,what He has done,and continuing to do......These have been some "very very hard and very very trying days" ...............

So much tension,aggravation,agitation,frustration,anger,mood swings,out-bursts "uncontrollable fidgety", "nervousness","restlessness","anxiousness"edginess"sleepless nights.....

How do you deal with all of these each and everyday with out getting wore down??????? there is no rest.......they appear out of no where.........

I can only tell you that I know the Lord prepared me for this time, not knowing it would be this bad and hard!!!!!

I knew something was brewing in Dad before Easter,

Easter Sunday someone came up to me and said "Man Ron is filled with the "Holy Spirit" He's pumped,He's this He's that!!!!! "I said, He's got a-lot going on in Him and its escalating,He's very hyper,and very chatter'y,very busy,something is going on in Him, just beware........I don't believe I was heard.........

I realize, No one really knows what to say-- but the same thing---- Dad ---- LOOKS SO GOOD-----------

That Sunday was the spiral of many long,trying hard days, This Poor Man was crawling out of his own skin!!!!!!!!!!

The torture of not knowing why he was feeling the way he was----his brain,head feeling like the top was going to blow off----- his left side feeling like it was being sawed off-----emotions that were escalating,
I am learning through the "extraordinary" Grace and Mercy" of the Lord" and passed experiences---that reacting will escalate this behavior, 

Let me tell you---- it took Heavens army of Angels and Micheal the arch angel to Help me and hold me back from "challenging" Dad and reacting", and dropping a few bombs----what a Mighty Test this was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My old nature still has an "ugly ol lady" who can come out at any time!!!!!!!!!"------------------

Last June when Dad was first hospitalized,many things were revealed to me that I needed to give over to the Lord, the Lord began to heal these areas in Dad and I---------

The Lord has been doing a good work for the past 6 years as He surfaces things we release over to Jesus no matter How Painful the walk may be!!!!!!!!!!!
One is that we could no longer live in the "past behavior"   "IF" we truly have been transformed in Christ Jesus,
we must be willing to give over All of our self to the Lord.......
This process of allowing the Lord to sanctify, purify,refine has been on going for the past 6 years,
but escalated "June 2014" after Dads Hospitalization.......

This March I saw something "switch" in Mr C---- and it was not good-------April -----there were days so testing and trying it was hard to know how to pray,and days I just didn't want to pray-----------I was bombarded,weary, so was Dad being the one physically effected ------- not understanding what was going on in him-----------

It was a struggle praying  for the Lord to keep us on guard,alert,sober minded,watchful,
this I know My Jesus demonstrated through the empowering of His Holy Spirit in ---us---
other wise things could have gotten worse......all I could do is cry "HELP".HELP ME LORD"

With the Brain tumor/Cancer located in the posterior/inferior/frontal lobe-and Parietal/inferior lobe-----almost everything is effected-------------The Frontal Lobes are considered our emotional control center and home to our personality....There is no other part of the brain that can cause such a wide variety of symptoms.....It might be difficult to understand the abnormal behavior when your not around it day and night,
My Dear Mr C was getting so confused and thinking he was going crazy...........

It is interesting how we will get a reprieve and then we are "hit with another testing and trial".....

each day has been moment by moment----------------

Everyday is a cry to Holiness--------------I'm not kidding-----------------Obedience to the Lord------------
To Esteem Our Lord Jesus above all things,To "Value everything who Jesus is above (my-our) "rotten flesh"

O My----------Like I said there were days you just don't know how your going to get thru the day,your just beat down,can't concentrate when you open the word-----can't even pray but you do-----
This Battle was horrific.....I have "never battled" in anything more in my life as I have my walk with the Lord, Only desiring to please Him more than my flesh" and fall so short----and then to have a Husband with a terminal illness!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the craziest about all of this-----------IT'S NOT OVER-----------------

Wednesday April 22nd I was in the bed,from the time I woke up till the next day-----I had nothing to give--------

Monday April  20th I called the Dr to renew some med's for Dad, 

I let Him know something had "switched" in Dad something terribly was wrong",I explained what the symptoms were and His words:

"UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS THE DISEASE,WITH THE SIZE MASS IN HIS BRAIN THIS IS INEVITABLE"!

With Dad on "Dadgum Steroids",Morphine",Anti Seizure" meds he didn't need to be on another medication,
The Dr Said

I'm going to prescribe a drug that should help (olanzapine) I went out side and let Dad know what the Dr said, and that the Dr has some medication for him,"this did not set well with Dad"----------
I let him know I was not forcing him to take this,I don't know what else to do................something physical- is going on in you--------------you need help---------------------we need help.............

Ron researched the drug and said I am not taking it-------------to many side effects------------Ok Lord-----------------we need your help---------------------this behavior can not go on-------------------------------to emotional and mentally draining-------------Lord you have been healing this marriage,this is not where we are going again are we??????????????

Wednesday I was so sick---------I could not sit up--- eat-----------all I could do was sleep-----------until the next day...........Dad was on His own-------------------------to be honest I didn't ask him how he did----------------
I just knew,--- if I died that night that would have been just fine with me.......................

I was miserable, I hadn't been this sick for years..............thank the Lord for new days,, I'm not kidding........yesterday was a new day, it was slow, still not feeling up to snuff----------but able to just relax----------today a new day-----------able to sit and talk with Mr C and express so much, able to communicate some very inner feelings and He understood,
what the Lord showed Mr C the last few days was miraculous!!!!!!!!!!! He is doing much better today.....

I thank you who the Lord places Dad and I on your hearts for covering us,the Power of our Lord is so merciful,the "prayers of the "righteous" avail much".(I take this very seriously)

I would never trade what we have allowed the Lord to do in our Marriage bringing us through some very painful,exposing, transparent,humbling, healing, stuff---- that only the Lord can do if we are willing and allow Him full access to our whole being,every frame of it----------"40 years of History" the Lord is purging,sifting,stripping,shifting,changing,healing,purifying,refining,shaping,molding,softening, and anything else He needs to do to make us more like Him...........HARD----- 

This process will be the rest of our days together,  till we meet Jesus Face to face-------------

we are battling for something much more precious than our own lives....we battle for Christ's kingdom here on earth..... We struggle and pray and watch with great hope that Jesus Name be Sanctified,that Jesus Kingdom come, that Jesus will be done on earth as it is in heaven, We pray till we pray that every last Son,Daughter Grandchild,extended family come into relationship with Jesus Christ by the transforming work and power of the Holy Spirit, and when they do "we will know" because they "will not be the same"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESUS IS GOD------------JESUS IS HOLY------JESUS IS SAVIOR-------

JESUS IS THE "ONLY" ACCEPTABLE OBJECT OF FAITH-----JESUS IS LORD-------

JESUS IS THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES---IN HEAVEN ON EARTH AND UNDER THE EARTH------

JESUS HAS BEEN GIVEN ALL AUTHORITY IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH------JESUS IS THE JUDGE-----  

as long as Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ GIVES us breath on this earth------------

WE PRAY--WE SHARE HIS SAVING GOSPEL,----O God make it so,that you get all the glory,that you be high and lifted up,that you be magnified in every word thought and deed.................

O God and make it so-----Jesus be Glorified------------not this stinking  disease----------Habakkuk 2:14

O that We will give all our strength and all our years that remain--- that the earth might be filled with the knowledge of God as the waters cover the sea, that we would long for the day when we will see a great multitude that no man can count from every tribe,language,and nation standing before the throne of God crying out with a loud voice...

"SALVATION TO OUR GOD,WHO SITS ON THE THRONE,AND TO THE LAMB'

Mr C, It's not how we started but that we will finish well....

                    A man Preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ the greatest message ever told said:
                                   God has ultimately designed marriage not to satisfy our needs
                                                  But to display "His Glory" in the Gospel"

MRI Results

Today we Praise Our Lord Jesus Christ we thank Him for allowing us another day,not for our sake but for His.

Mr C has been having some great days,All Glory to the Lord

Today He woke up with Head pain and his left side giving him a great deal of pain,we can expect these kinds of days.

Dad Had His MRI and His Brain Tumor has grown 15% since last years MRI, Praise the Lord the cancer is contained in the tumor.

We continue to ask the Lord that "His Name" be made known through our Days here on this earth,that Jesus be continued High and lifted up,exalted to the highest.

We are in awe of Jesus generosity of grace and Mercy not willingly ever taking for granted His kindness towards us. 

Keep examining yourselves to see whether you are continuing in the faith. Test yourselves! You know, don't you, that Jesus the Messiah lives in you? Could it be that you are failing the test? 2 Corinthians 13:5

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. 1 John 5:13